What am I to think?

Question: My gf of 8 months told me she needed time and was struggling more than I knew…. we had a great relationship almost perfect in every way… she had been divorced for over a year. her ex was very vindictive and manipulative. Over money and their 2 kids… Anyway, he got wind of us being together and threw a fit. Then totally changed his tune with promises and apologies to her… She told me she didn’t want me out if her life for good, but she needed some time. And that if I didn’t want to wait for her she understood … I didn’t hear from her for over 2 months, then on my birthday she text and made it personal by calling me by my first and middle name together,  And later told me she was sorry and wanted to talk to me eventually but just couldn’t yet, she also told me that she thought about me all the time……. What am I to think? I haven’t tried contacting her…

Answer: I’d like to ask, What do you think is going on?  Judging off only what you have told me.  It seems as though it was more going on with the “ex-husband” than she’s told you.  If they are divorced I believe it should be very clear that both parties may move on with someone else.   So the fact that he threw a fit, shows that something may be going on that you don’t know about.  And given the fact that she asked for some time apart because she is going through something “more than you know”,  I think that is a dead giveaway that whatever it is that’s going on has to do with the ex-husband.  I can assume maybe although they are divorced the ex-husband financially supports her.  As he should, especially if kids are involved.  Could there possibly be a trade-off for his assistance?  Like if he helps her financially she cannot become involved with a man unless he can pick up the support.    IDK?  These are all assumptions.  Have you simply tried asking her what is going on?

The fact that you are referring to her as your girlfriend, makes me feel like she owes it to you to at least communicate what is going on and being honest with you.  The crazy thing is she does not seem like she is being dishonest with you, but it does seem like she’s not telling you everything to help you make a conscious decision to see if you want to wait.

My biggest concern with this situation is that you become further emotionally invested with this woman that you get tied up in a love triangle.  I say guard your heart.  Be kind to her when she does reach out.  But if she does not communicate what exactly is going on with her and why a hold on your relationship is even needed.  FYI, not speaking to your girlfriend for 2 months is a no-no.  I say you keep your options open.  Go on some dates.  Occupy your time, and let her handle her situation.  Maybe when she is ready, sometime down the line, she will contact you and you two can move forward.  That is if you are still available.  Because in my world, WINNERS DON’T WAIT.

Take care, and please keep in touch.


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